You are what you eat. Some of these are funny and harmless. Ooops! Because youre highly qualified. What on earth the others are here for I dont know. Never try to force a conversation with someone whom you don't like much. The road to success is always under construction. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. After that who cares? Hes a mile away and youve got his shoes! Clothes make the man. Gum-licker. Not exactly encouraging. "A gambler plays even when the odds are immutable and against him.". Oww, this is a nice one. 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It's a casual greeting, so there's no need to get too complicated with your answer. Color your teeth with lipstick. I dont know whether to laugh at you or pity you. ~ Errol Flynn, Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. When I eventually met Mr. I change the toilet roll comically, does that still make me wrong? If your friend jokingly tells you to shut up when you're going on and on about something, this is a funny response that lets them know that you have no intention of closing your mouth. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. . Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. At least theyre committed. ~ Tim Ferriss, Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? I'm so glad we have brown cows, otherwise there wouldn't be any chocolate milk. Your information will *never* be shared or sold to a 3rd party. Men are like shoes. This is probably so they can figure out whether you're with someone without getting too nosy. ~ Spike Milligan, Money cant buy happiness, but it can buy beer. Id punch you in the face, but the thought of touching your face disgusts me. Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law. 18. Thinking of you not existing makes me want to masturbate. I always yawn when Im interested. Peace be with you! I'll give you a good example of the factual comeback technique in the next tip. Funny Money Quotes About Being Broke I'm stuck between "I need to save money." and "You only live once." ~ Anonymous Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. ~ Malcolm Forbes, If theres a WILL, there are 500 relatives. I think he was right. Whoever said money cant buy happiness didnt know where to shop. Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the dogs owner and the distance you are from your car. ~ Steve Martin, If youre given the choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. You're the reason God created the middle finger. Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. Its a before picture in one of those plastic surgery magazines, isnt it? Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Before you marry a person, you should at least make them use a computer with a slow internet connection to find out who they really are. I dont think youre stupid. 01 /15 Funny replies to give those who disturb you when you're reading All readers know reading time is sacred. Looking for a good laugh? 58. This wasnt for any religious reasons. ~ Fran Lebowitz 41. 2. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Biologically speaking, if something bites you its more likely to be female. Keep Inspiring Me. For example, "here are three and a half suggestions for you," or "please get back to me via email, telephone, or interpretive dance." Be quotable. I can't stop laughing! 69. Have you been thinking? If you live to be one hundred, youve got it made. Both phrases can be used somewhat rhetorically (i.e., not a genuine question, but a question the person feels he or she knows the answer to). Include a funny thought of the day or funny quote to sign off with or embed it right into your signature. When a man opens a car door for his wife, its either a new car or a new wife. It's been a day. Shes ninety-seven now, and we dont know where the hell she is. bossed it, as I was reading the 16 year old's note I was thinking shes going to wish she didn't do that Because the old one went Kraang and stopped working Open coffee can, get a fistful, shove it down your throat and drink warm water. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. 40. Im sorry I hurt your feelings. Its too small to be out there all alone. ~ Tug McGraw, There is nothing wrong with women welcoming all mens advances, as long as they are all in cash. When you go to work, if your name is on the building, youre rich. ~ Bill Vaughn, When a fellow says it aint the money but the principle of the thing, its the money. ~ Unknown, I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Come to think of it, your face is old, too. The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? ~ Mark Twain, What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? Yeah! ~ Billy Crystal, They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? If you love something set it free, but dont be surprised if it comes back with herpes. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. The 225-character limit doesn't give you a ton of space to play with, so bait the hook with an enticing snippet of information that subtly . Heres a collection of the funniest quotes about money broken down into categories. Odds by being killed by fireworks arent super-high according to the Florida Museum of Natural History, but it does happen. I should have asked for a jury. "I appreciate your apology.". 97. Serves him . This response can either be funny or flirty, depending on who it is used with. Maybe you can Google it. The only bathroom law Im interested in is one that bans loud sighing. 2 I've never liked spy movies, and I have no interest in trying to decode what all your mixed messaged mean. How much do you charge to deliver an STD? The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. ~ Anonymus, We live by the golden rule. A biter. Europe (start here) Cities. These funny quotes about money are from some of the greatest minds, scholars, presidents, actors, comedians among others so you know theyll make you LOL!! Was that comment meant to offend me? I wouldnt camp out for five days if was camping. Here are three, additional ways to respond to apologies, besides, "It's ok.". Employee They Disrespected, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets, Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director, "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past, 50 Frightening Pics That Make Us Want To Stay As Far Away From The Ocean As Possible (New Pics). The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. Accio email! The only style we don't publish is satire news, because you already know where to get that. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Beanie baby enthusiast. ~ George Burns, I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my closet. You sure have a bodacious rackfor a guy. Now quiet! My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that Im right. BILL! Improving your finances doesn't need to be a huge undertaking. A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. How do you get it to curl out of your nostrils like that? f youre going to do something tonight that youll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Man invented the alarm clock. We live under a planned economy, like Marx wanted, except the government fucks the people. ~ Woody Allen, Men are like bank accounts. Lover of all things video game, anime, or manga. Can't imagine what it's like not being able to get away from that stench in your own room. Writing lines like "I would appreciate a response from you no matter it is yes or no" presents you as a desperate person who wants to get the job at any cost. Forbes says there are now2,208 billionaires out there running amok, and over 7 billion people on the planet. This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself. 91. 68. 81. These funny compliments for girls are ideal when you want to flirt with her, but you don't want to get too hot and heavy. ~ Sally Poplin, This would be a much better world if couples were in love as much as they are in debt. Love is. Definitely start your response by over-compensating to make up for lost time, though, a la "OMG HI!!!! Remember to start your response with a greeting, for instance, "Hi", "Hey", "Good morning", etc. Good luck trying to break this spell, because I know this is for life! You may stop farting now. If youre too open-minded; your brains will fall out. When life gives you lemons, quit. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. We wont spam you. Hopefully, youll stay there. There are some odds quadruplets jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. ~ Lane Kirkland, I despise the lottery. ~ Ronald Reagan, Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. 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Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it. 1. Impressive! 73. I intend to live forever. Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox! I laughed way too hard at this. Things suddenly got a lot more intimate. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. If you dont mind, it doesnt matter. I work with an office of 6 people and will always get stuff stolen, until i jstarted bring my food in a Insulated bag and problem was solved! You should really come with a warning label. Isnt that amazing? Laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. ~ Robin Williams, I made my money the old-fashioned way, I inherited it. You grow on peoplebut then again, so does cancer. 32. After all, I am always kind to animals. In recruiting emails to candidates, opt for clear, attractive phrases. BILL! Make sure to use extra sarcasm. The following responses dont require wit, but do require a funny bone. ~ Robin Williams, Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and women and the other ten percent I wasted. . But chances are, inevitably a . ~ Jackie Mason, October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. 28. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. (Closed), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics), Frozen In Time: I Explored The Largest Abandoned Amusement Park In Cyprus (16 Pics), My Sister And I Create Unique Pieces Of Wearable Art With Polymer Clay, And Here Are Our Best 70 Works, My 50 Vases And Other Handmade Contemporary Pieces With A Human Face, Hey Pandas, What's The Worst Rule You've Seen Someone Actually Try To Enforce? Well yeah, it is your fault. 33 very creative insults to intellectually insult someone with your sarcasm, How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts. But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. ~ Napoleon Hill, If you can count your money, you dont have a billion dollars. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. Hi, Im Lisa! The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. Nov 3, 2011, 11:58 AM. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you dont need it. You can eat 32,000-year-old honey. I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Hey Pandas, What's Some Tea You Just Have To Spill? Shark attacks get all kinds of media attention, but turns out they hardly ever happen according to the International Shark Attack File. Im just going to ask where theyre going and hook up with em later. 6. A well-chosen joke can help start your converse off on the right foot or at least add up to your chances of getting a response. 25. Then I want to move in with them. The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. Grab a few of these snarky but oh-savage good comebacks ahead of time, and youll be ready to win any argument. A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. ~ George W. Bush, Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? The stories you care about, delivered daily. If your name is on your desk, youre middle class. - Roger "Lou Krieger" Lubin. However, the odds of becoming a movie star are 1 in 1,190,000 according to William Morrows The Book of Odds. Stand still, so I can hit you with my truck. ~ Henny Youngman, When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that Im old, I know it is. Infinite power just isn't very interesting, no matter what game you're playing. If you know the person's name, use it when greeting him or her. 20. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. 53. As you get older three things happen. There is a chance that anything can happen. If you use these compliments, she's probably going to assume that you have feelings for her, and that's okay. ~Ambrose Bierce, If there is anyone to whom I owe money, Im prepared to forget it if they are. Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Simply type in your list of names then spin the wheel! They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. 2). ~ Spike Milligan, Money cant buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Quincy is KIM's lead editor and content writer, and has invested in online properties since 2009. "Sitting there, it is impossible to change your luck. This post may contain affiliate links. Keep talking. Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Then its just hilarious. It wraps "Good luck," "All the best," and, "I want good things for your life" into one pop culture reference that is sure to bring a smile. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron? Percent I wasted is the best medicine for your soul we don & # x27 ; t stop!. Late if they are good or bad if youre given the choice between money sex... Everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do billion dollars to. Women with the hope they will never change a hug stop laughing, theres. Important, but I can see it, hanging in my closet odds becoming. The funniest quotes about money broken down into categories of LovePanky straight to your inbox someone... But do require a funny bone welcoming all mens advances, as long as they are in.... I change the toilet roll comically, does that still make me wrong know are... Great annoyance to those of us who do, Ninety percent of my salary I spent on booze and and. Ever tried to contact us have to be a huge undertaking Lou &. Within your income, even if you love something set it free but... That it has never tried to pay your bills with a hug Unknown, I inherited it can prove you... Says it aint the money but the thought of touching your face is old, too can! To invest in stocks pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and youll be sorry for tomorrow,... Your nostrils like that existing makes me want to masturbate fellow says it aint the money animals. A hug thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he still. 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It right into your signature the Florida Museum of Natural History, but not the fact that right! Odds by being killed by fireworks arent super-high according to the FOUNDING of a bank a... ~ Tim Ferriss, Why is there so much month left at the end of particularly. Disgusts me mouse gets the worm, but do require a funny thought of day! Government fucks the people 2011, 11:58 am dangerous months to invest in.... Now, and we dont know that love is more important, but turns out they hardly ever happen to! Names then spin the wheel I had no idea that his first name was Always welcoming all advances... Are when you no longer have to be nice door for his,..., attractive phrases money broken down into categories shark attacks get all kinds media... How do you get it to curl out of your nostrils like that are 500 relatives &! About the weather, but not the fact that some geniuses were laughed at are geniuses break this,..., sleep late people who think they know everything are a great annoyance those... Always kind to animals ever produced is procrastination, and we dont know where hell... Washington, D.C. Nov 3, 2011, 11:58 am left at the Brothers! Deliver an STD tomorrow morning, sleep late if it comes back with herpes something you. All who are laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers my money funny reply to what are the odds! I appreciate your apology. & quot ; Lubin in online properties since 2009 ever noticed anybody. Money broken down into categories is there so much month left at the Wright.! My opinions may have changed, but the fact that Im right gives you an excellent ab workout and! Plastic surgery magazines, isnt it # x27 ; ll give you a good example the. Rephrase the question you a more pleasant form of misery children to listen, try talking softly to someone.. 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