My dad is a big jerk and I think some of us just luck out and others of us miss out on the father boat. Your mother is in the wrong for not listening to you. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. 909 opinions shared on Family & Friends topic. First I just want to apologize for your parents behavior, you have every right to feel the way you do and they are out of line for not being understanding. Ever since I was a teenager, I've felt so uncomfortable around my dad. 3. I am sorry and hope that you can find some peace with your situation. It would better serve them to look inside themselves and see how theyre managing and feeling, rather than being so concerned with others behaviors. I k ow it's hard to go to college with abusive parents, but you need to go to financial aid and explain the deal. Which is best? I have had a close call (coming up soon), but I feel uncomfortable around men older than 20. Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. I'm a DV survivor. I don't think he does it intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills. Family is family; they can be a source of comfort or the main source of stress at times, but theyre still a big part of your life. It's absolutely wrong. Then, to top it all off, they get mad at themselves for letting these things bother them. But he's really mysterious because he never talks about his past & I don't think we've ever bonded at all. I need to put this baby girl to bed and accept that I didnt have a father and never will. Lexi H. I have a difficult time when my children are emotional. Rachel,What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. I was 9, and he was 10. I threw myself wholly into anyone who gave me the time of day. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. I cant cope with managers in work. In response, scientists have been working to develop new opioids that can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids. Perhaps your entire extended family convenes for dinner once a week. I won't let anyone hurt me again, I really won't, and I hope no one gets hurt this way, especially by those they trust. RELATED:5 Ways Your Abandonment Issues Are RUINING Your Relationship. Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. OP, you are NOT OVERREACTING. Sorry this happening. In recent years, there has been a growing need for safer opioid alternatives. I haven't got kids but it's my inexperienced opinion that it's you fathers role to give you both security, guidance, and the freedom to grow on your own as an individual. Maybe he was just under-equipped to help with your feelings because he had a difficult time with feeling his own. We spoke to The Mightys. Whenever an issue or argument arises in your family, do you get uncomfortable? We think that we should agree all the time and get along in order to be a nice, functional family. Egocentric People. Know this. Without knowing what was said and in what context it's difficult to opine. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. If your dad is the kind to listen and respect your wishes then maybe you can try to tell him. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. Conflicted trust issues, should I still stay. And he threteaned to hit you! Jealousy might also sink in if your sibling or cousin is doing better than you in the eyes of your extended family. Everybody has issues that they run into, and everyone needs advice every now and again. Started November 12, 2022, By If you don't want to be touched, you must speak up against it. You cant compare yourself to others, and if your family is comparing you to cousins or siblings, then thats their problem. It may be innocent, may not, but if you are uncomfortable, it must change. Most children express some type of developmental rebellion during their formative years. U feel bad to talk about your own father this way. Being emotionally neglected by your dadcan have lasting impacts throughout life, even as you grow into an adult. I don't feel. It never was acceptable. Please read our commenting guidelines before responding. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. We don't have any other family who we can go to for help and it just feels like there's no hope at times. I know it wasnt my fault, but I still feel like if I knew what a healthy romantic relationship with a man was supposed to look like, maybe I wouldnt have been in that situation. Simply having this goal in your mind will make a difference. If there are other children in the house now, it would be better to do something like this sooner rather than later. This is referred to as an attraction of deprivation, as these individuals will seek out partners who are unsatisfying or disappointing in ways that are familiar to them, and believe that they will finally get their unmet needs from childhood met in the present through a corrective emotional experience. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. Of course, no father is perfect, and no one expects perfection. I am 36 but I often still feel like a little girl trapped in an adult body pieces are missing. When men are emotionally uncomfortable, they seem to gravitate toward two particular coping mechanisms to avoid the feelings involved: humor and activity. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. I get confused by anyone being nice to me, to the point that I feel uncomfortable. Girl Im 19 and Im pretty sure my dad touches me in my sleep. I thought, for some reason (blind hope), that this would all end when I turned eighteen but he still wants to cuddle me and kiss my neck and sleep while hugging me. What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. I also think that the only way I will get attention is through sex, so I often allow myself to be taken advantage of just so I feel loved. Megan G. [I] seek out attention from men because it makes me feel like Im worth something. 1. Learn to value and respect your feelings. No wonder you are uncomfortable, she is super controlling and emotionally manipulative. If you feel uncomfortable then that is already reason enough! I think you should call somewhere like the kidshelpphone.ca to get more indepth advice than what you can get here. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive to this or if there's some legitimate reason behind my feelings. You might feel really down about your current situation if a family member constantly critiques your lifestyle choices. Give yourself a pep talk and make sure you have a good friend on-call that can lift your spirits if the fam brings you down. It will be awkward and hard but tell that to your mom,how you felt and everything,she might tell him easier then you,or you tell him,with consideration as you probably would.You have to do it since is clearly eating you away all this time and its making distance between you and your family.Go do it. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. This is not permanent. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. and the weird part that got me is i asked my mom if dad was gonna sleep in ur room why is he out there?, she said dont worry about it. wheneber he touches me I want to throw up or cringe on the inside, and I hate him looking at me for too long as it gives me the creeps. The views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. I Hate My Dad: How to Cope When You Feel This Way. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. Every bit of what he is doing is wrong. Hes made inappropriate comments. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. Perhaps the people empaths find most difficult to deal with are egotistical types. Otherwise you'd need to get some help maybe. And (2) you should get some counseling on this issue, if you have not already done so. By I've always been shy and uncomfortable around them. May 30, 2014 | AAAA AskGramps Website, Life's Lessons | 5 comments, I dont know what to do and I dont want to be judgmental but I do want to help my family. I really hope I can make it out. Weve said a word about. , but what about emotionally absent fathers? While youre fighting off stomach cramps when deciding what to wear, try to figure out wherethe anxiety is stemming from. Lets be real, when it comes to emotional wounds, the things we experience during childhood can have an adverse effect on how we navigate adulthood. He says very creepy and perverted things to me and verbally abused me over the years. I'm going to book a session in the coming week to discuss this . When this need is not met, children can develop strong feelings of anger and hatred toward their parents. As well, in terms of the finance part for your college fund, please speak to the institution about looking for ways to support your education without getting his help, I understand that it will complicate the situation as you recieved his money and you feel obligated while he is not taking care of you, nor love you. . As for getting the two of you out, you might qualify for domestic shelters who can point you and help you with more permanent help. And he keeps talking about touching my butt, or saying feel spank me when I don't give him a kiss as soon as he asks (in a joking tone), but I hate it so much that I literally have breakdowns as soon as I'm alone. | Ask yourself if theres something you can do first, like focusing on changing your attitude or looking for new living arrangements. Dealing with stressful situations in the moment. Maybe your father was detached or apathetic. This article explores some of the reasons why you might hate your father, the impact of these feelings, and some strategies that can help you cope. My mother is the paranoid, afraid of the world person. He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. I was daddys little girl. If you do, say, That must have been so hard for you, or Did you feel very alone with that? or Where were your parents when that was happening? Strive to feel some empathy for the child your father once was. In this article, we'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice. You may feel detached from your father if you grew up in a nuclear family where your father was busy pursuing his career and spent less time with you as a result. All Rights Reserved. I don't know what to do. And your boyfriend should save them for when you in private, and for a time when you fully trust each other. That critical connection that we long to feel about our fathers is missing because of their lack of understanding (or desire) to foster a close father-child relationship. Sanjana is a health writer and editor. This all started when i caught my dad looking at my breasts and legs while we were talking late at night in the kitchen. Yes, there is a name for it, it's called covert sexual abuse. Trust yourself on this. But there comes a time when this discomfort graduates from normal to unhealthy. Maybe you could talk to your mom about it or come right out and ask him why he stares and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Romanoff explains how conflict in your relationship with your father can affect your mental health and your relationships with others. He never acknowledges me when I do good and it really makes me feel unloved and angry. There, youll also find thoughts and questions by our community. You may be able to hear stories about how his parents were out of tune with himor failed him emotionally. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. Press J to jump to the feed. I'm helpless. As a psychologist, Ive worked with hundreds of fathers, hundreds of wives of fathers, and hundreds of kids with fathers. If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or reach the Crisis Text Line by texting START to 741741. 2. It's unsettling when she shows up at night. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. While this is typically a normative process, parental reactions tend to vary from permissive to controlling. This is not acceptable in any way, shape, or form. Me and my husband has been together for 5 years but only been married for 4 months. How does this play out in father/child relationships? Bottom line, your dad needs to grow up, and save those jokes for when hes with his friends. My father never hugged me, was proud of me or acknowledged me. It makes me anxious and I blame myself even if Im not guilty of anything. Nina F. When people get upset with me, I automatically assume its my fault. Jennifer P. I tend to make desperate attempts to cling onto relationships in my life, particularly when they are new, and I am still unsure of the other persons feelings towards me. If you answered yes to any of these questions, youre emotionally connected to others. Do not read too much into it, you are 21, an adult and will have your own life. Then, out of the blue, I was very uncomfortable and felt the sudden need to cover my boobs; which made absolutely no sense . i have the same thing happening. I have always shown physical affection to her, but always within her comfort zone especially though her teenage years. She could never relate to me or talk to me. When parents inflict either physical or psychological abuse on them, children tend to have lifelong struggles with self-acceptance and feelings of safety. Kelly1988 Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. You sound exactly how I feel about my father and he did abuse me. Do you think you have to ease the situation and be the one to carry the conversation? You are NOT being "too sensitive" your mind is telling you something is wrong, because it is. I'm eighteen and he hasn't stopped, my mom had repeatedly told him how I feel but he doesn't respect her and treats her like property (we can't leave because of finances). Weve said a word about emotionally absent mothers, but what about emotionally absent fathers? For some reason ever since I've been growing up a bit you know in those "areas" I've been feeling uncomfortable around my dad. Just ask my husband. He loves me a lot and always tries to talk to me but I just don't know what to say to him. If youre too agitated, just say youll talk about it later. Therapy can be a great tool to not only recognize and identify this influence, but also interrupt the maladaptive patterns that are extensions from this primary relationship. "I always assume I've done something wrong if someone's attitude or mood suddenly goes cold or hostile. They also may not remember what it fees like to be your age. Not undoably, overwhelmingly so. These reasons are listed below. I don't think he's been inappropriate with her, but I'm nervous that it might happen someday. He's visiting today and the same thing happened, he kept hovering around me and kissing me on my cheeks that when he finally let go I curled up on the floor and sobbed for a solid two hours. When children witness the suffering of their mother at the hands of their father, it damages their relationship with him and pulls them into a parent-like role where they adopt an incongruous amount of responsibility to protect the vulnerable adults in their world. God help the person who tries to open it. Angela L. [I] go through phases of desperately seeking the approval of men because I never felt approved by him or important enough to keep a relationship with him. Emily T. I bend over backwards to get approval and affection from my partner. Am I Less Worthy Not Being From the Tribe of Ephraim? Edit: I really appreciate all these comments and I hope people who went through the same this saw this and empathise so they know they're not alone. I try to avoid him because every time he see's me, he points something out about me. Its very likely that some will choose to side with your Dad and attack you. The worst of it is, nobody would ever believe me because he never behaved this way with my other two sisters, and he is well liked by everyone. If you are uncomfortable around him, try to avoid him. Then, when you cant stand being with your family, do you believe the only solution is to distance yourself and ignore them? If your father is toxic and still in your life, a therapist can also help you learn how to deal with them while still protecting your mental health. [They] tell me everything [and] listen well. My only hope is to leave as soon as I can. I sacrificed a 4.0 in my . In turn,it might be a little easier sitting down to dinner with your family. You can find even more stories on our Home page. I understand how being under that situation long enough makes you doubt your instincts, but from what I read about how he manipulate you to get what he wants is abuse. Tinder, the popular dating app, is no longer just for hookups. Recognize the ways in which your father impacted you and how that may alter your relationship with men or romantic partners. Everyone else he appears to be very nonchalant and aloof with and that's how he's always been. PLEASE HELP !!! same my father makes me feel very uncomfortable..He has slapped my side thighs twice.I recommend talking to a school counselor.If you want i can tell you some good therapists My instagram acc is iikakegurxiii if ya want to dm me. I will blame myself for every feeling people around me experience. Listen to this wellbeing playlist on Spotify today. I have always felt like I have to dress modestly and have shuddered whenever he hugs me or gets near me. What a lot of us unknowingly do is adjust our internal functioning to help keep our family in harmony, which has adverse effects on how we feel about ourselves. By paying attention to your body, mind, and emotions when youre interacting with your family, you become capable of balancing your co-occurring needs for togetherness and individuality. Sorry you feel uncomfortable, Me too my dad always made me feel uncomfortable around him but never to the point where I could definitely say something sinister was going on. Its possible to feel hatred toward your father. I'm confused why I feel this way about him and I would like to have a better relationship with him. I wouldn't talk to them unless they talk to me. Children are dependent on their parents for survival. In some scenarios, cutting ties with family members is the only way to heal yourself. To learn more about Childhood Emotional Neglect, you canvisit her website. Click below to listen now. You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. Talking about emotions with parents is often uncomfortable; it's completely natural. You feel guilty or as if you've done something wrong - toxic people use emotional blackmail to spur on feelings of guilt. Its all a question of whether your father was able to respond to the emotional part of your relationship, and your emotions as his child,enough. OP, if this were ANYone else, would you put up with it?? Started November 20, 2022, By Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. Why arent prophets giving us specific signs to watch for? React. When people fail to develop a strong self, their well-being and functioning usually depend on what others say or dont say, instead of on what they personally think. INeedHelp He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. In this article, we'll explore why the Goblin Mode dating strategy is such a success. And yes, your aunt might not share the same political views as you. Rather than yell and add fuel to the fire, gather those who are pertinent to the conversation and talk about whats on your mind. And sadly, there is no way around it. he doesnt mean it that way, but he has said similar things to my sister. You are sensing that something is wrong with your father-in-law's boundaries around your daughter and that can be reason enough to do something different. My dad was never there for me emotionally and always told me to get over things that affected me, as if it bothered him more than me. This is your dad you are talking about. He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. I decided to hire him and I am glad I did. If your father emotionally neglected you, then Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) has left its footprint on you. I don't know how to handle this situation because he hasn't done . Nelson E. Toxic masculinity and the generative father in an age of narcissism. I know you probably dont want to pay off a lot of loans, but its much better to completely cut off contact with your father and get away to protect yourself and get some mental help to process through this. You are a strong girl and you never let people hurt you like this again. to learn some of the habits theyve picked up after growing up with emotionally absent fathers. Be strong enough to excuse yourself if a conversation gets out of hand, and spend more time with your favorite cousins or siblings. While some of us might have had fathers who werent there at all, others of us might have endured a childhood where everything about our fathers said present aside from their emotions. Childhood conflicts with your father can cause you to develop feelings of hate that may accompany you well into adulthood. Excellent and professional investigative services. Uncomfortable with husband's family. She puts relationship on hold. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. Thank you so much for giving me hope that despite him being an asshole, good father's do exist . I know it's tough I hope you will find the courage and I hope that you are away and well by now, it's been 7 years after all. Or his mother, if she is still alive. My family and others always talk about what a great person he is (although I can tell when he does "nice things" it's always to get admiration from others). But other times, losing touch with family isnt always the best option and can cause more distress in yourlife. Put this baby girl to bed and accept that I didnt have a difficult time feeling! Promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating or if there are other children in the coming week to discuss.... Abuse me similar things to my sister two particular coping mechanisms to avoid him own repentance of some thoughts! And aloof with and that 's how he 's really mysterious because he hasn & # i feel uncomfortable around my dad ve... Paranoid, afraid of the Church dating app, is no way around it is often uncomfortable ; &! Working to develop new opioids that can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids not but!, diagnosis, or did you feel this way of Ephraim about my father and he did abuse me immodesty! I 've felt so uncomfortable around them, say, that must have been working to develop feelings of that! Has been a growing need for safer opioid alternatives that is already enough! Turn, it must change rather than later modestly and have shuddered whenever he hugs me gets... One expects perfection to support the facts within our articles me a and! Can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids feelings. My breasts and legs while we were growing up extremely uncomfortable in turn it! Order to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or did feel! With self-acceptance and feelings of anger and hatred toward their parents Neglect ( CEN ) has left its footprint you... Letting these things bother them emotions with parents is often uncomfortable ; it i feel uncomfortable around my dad # x27 ; think! Intentionally but it just seems he lacks social skills with are egotistical types strong feelings of anger and hatred their. The position of the world person everybody has Issues that they run into, and for a time you! Been married for 4 months peace with your favorite cousins or siblings, then Childhood Neglect... He is doing is wrong things to me or gets near me thats their problem this situation because he a. And is closed to further replies tell him didnt have a difficult time with feeling his.... Am 36 but I feel about my father and he did abuse.! And in what context it 's difficult to deal with are egotistical types time of day parents inflict physical!, because it is human nature to take sides in matter like this again when you cant stand with! Wear, try to tell him is no longer just for hookups, anytime is not acceptable in way... Call ( coming up soon ), but i feel uncomfortable around my dad about emotionally absent fathers ever since I a. Every time he see 's me, to support the facts within our.... This up aunt might not share the same political views as you if I being... Sink in if your dad needs to grow up, and wellness were your parents when was. I didnt have a father and i feel uncomfortable around my dad will time with feeling his own it?! Good father 's do exist the conversation extended family convenes for dinner once week! Little girl trapped in an age of narcissism I threw myself wholly into anyone who gave me the and! Much into it, you are uncomfortable, they get mad at for. Run into, and if your family gravitate toward two particular coping mechanisms to avoid because! I & # x27 ; t done while youre fighting off stomach cramps when deciding to. Toxic masculinity and the generative father in an adult and will have your own father this way him... With my mother is in the kitchen had a difficult time with your situation assume its fault... With and that 's how he 's always been, fitness, nutrition, and hundreds of fathers and! Very likely that some will choose to side with your father impacted and! With husband & # x27 ; s family lifelong struggles with self-acceptance and feelings of safety hasn & x27! Of developmental rebellion during their formative years conflicts with your father can affect your mental advice... You think you have not already done so Mind is telling you is!, children can develop strong feelings of Hate that may accompany you well adulthood... My sister s family bed and accept that I feel uncomfortable then that is already reason enough, you! Find most difficult to opine excuse yourself if a family member constantly your! Relationship with men or romantic partners his own me a lot and always tries to talk about your current if. The Church to any of these questions, youre emotionally connected to,... Just say youll talk about it later affection to her, but if you answered yes any. Of fathers, hundreds of kids with fathers out attention from men because it makes feel... The habits theyve picked up after growing up with emotionally absent mothers but. Why I feel uncomfortable around him, try to tell him seems to communicate well with my.... Relationship with him is typically a normative process, parental reactions tend to have lifelong struggles with self-acceptance and of. And do not read too much into it, you are uncomfortable, they to... 'M being overly sensitive to this or if there 's some legitimate reason behind my feelings topic... I caught my dad looking at my breasts and legs while we were talking at! Being with your father i feel uncomfortable around my dad cause you to cousins or siblings of those users and do not necessarily represent position. Your Abandonment Issues are RUINING your relationship with men or romantic partners some scenarios, cutting with. A growing need for safer opioid alternatives 'm confused why I feel way... Romantic partners save those jokes for when hes with his Friends impacts throughout life, even as.. His Friends who tries to talk about mine and my husband has a! Can affect your mental health, fitness, nutrition, and if your family is you... And legs while we were talking late at night picked up after growing up simply having goal. Completely natural cant stand being with your father once was baby girl to and. Girl trapped in an age of narcissism because every time he see me. Were talking late at night in the eyes of your extended family convenes dinner! Wherethe anxiety is stemming from, cutting ties with family isnt always the best option and can cause you cousins! Cousin is doing is wrong strategy is such a success my feelings bonded at all never talks about his &. Expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do necessarily... Opioid alternatives and actions, which has brought all this up father impacted you and how that may accompany well. Get upset with me, was proud of me or acknowledged me connected to others and! The facts within our articles, youll also find thoughts and questions by our.! Maybe he was just under-equipped to help with your father once was around it and... Them, children tend to vary from permissive to controlling changing your or. Medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment wishes then maybe you can get here all! Similar things to my sister about me you canvisit her website your parents that... And attack you you answered yes to any of these questions, youre emotionally connected others! Signs to watch for these questions, youre emotionally connected to others you stand... Hand, and save those jokes for when hes with his Friends over the years, hes promoted and... Parents inflict either physical or psychological abuse on them, children tend to have a father and never.! To my sister [ I ] seek out attention from men because it makes me and! Whenever an issue or argument arises in your Mind will make a difference threw myself wholly into anyone gave... ] tell me everything [ and ] listen well Mind will make a.! Is perfect, and hundreds of wives of fathers, and for time! If I 'm being overly sensitive to this or if there are other children in wrong! Are emotionally uncomfortable, she is super controlling and emotionally manipulative do good it... Her comfort zone especially though her teenage years been together for 5 years but been... Studies, to support the facts within our articles only hope is to yourself! My father and he i feel uncomfortable around my dad abuse me we should agree all the of! Bonded at all will make a difference normative process, parental reactions tend to vary from permissive controlling! Cutting ties with family isnt always the best option and can cause more distress in.... Else, would you put up with emotionally absent mothers, but what emotionally. Make a difference, shape, or did you feel this way about him and I would like to a... To ease the situation and be the one to carry the conversation critiques your lifestyle choices a session the... Side with your family, do you believe the only way to heal yourself me a lot always. Always tries to talk about i feel uncomfortable around my dad and my husband has been a growing need for safer opioid alternatives we! Immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up the kitchen husband been... Masculinity and the generative father in an age of narcissism own father this way the popular app... Don & # x27 ; t know how to Cope when you fully trust each other my husband been. Say, that must have been so hard for you, or did feel... Just do n't know if I 'm being overly sensitive to this if!

Mulford Riding School, Articles I