Did you know that laughing is thought to help you live longer? An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. I'm bald--well, balding. For those outside the US, Walgreens a drug-store (chemist) found on many corners. An old woman had three sons. How far do you think I can kick the bucket?. "It took me only an hour and a half to mow the lawn. One of my fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. The fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth. Forget Grumpy Cat; Maxine was the original patron saint of bad attitudes! To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Now we just lay on the bed and tie each others shoes. An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. Hes a fun guy. Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting exposition in Africa. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. I patted her hand reassuringly and said, Thats vaping products.. My mother, unimpressed, replied, Who wants to look 81years old?. "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. The seventy-year old man says, I have this problem. Wed finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, How old will I be when I die? His reply was 96 years old. My Dad's classic line to kids was to ask how old they were then tell them when he was their age, he was a year older. As you get older, dont bother eating healthy food; go for packaged junk. What do you think I should do?, He said, I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid., By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal. Well, my memorys just as good as its always been, knock wood. She raps the table. The tenant shook her head. David Bowie. Now that I'm getting older I get social security sex. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember Algebra. 22. Dont worry about avoiding temptation. 15. ""They sure are," I said with pride. "I got an SUV." I told him it was July. 21. "How about Viagra?" As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. Getting old doesnt have to be sad. You know youre into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. Said he thinks he knows you! replied the little old man. Wherever this is, every 4 years from the age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian. Older people shouldnt eat healthy food. By the time youre wise enough to watch youre step, youre too old to go anywhere. Forget it once. I tell myself I'm not getting older but it refuses to listen. When I was 20, I was curious about it. I can get my son to do it. So my brother had this beautiful motorcycle. How are stars like false teeth? So he invited the old man inside for a drink. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. As your good looks fade, so will their eyesight. Just consider the alternative. I've always been a disappointment. My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. I see your from Monmouth, N.J. observed the policeman. You know you are getting older when the candles dont fit on the cake. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldnt remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down., The second lady says, You think thats bad? He tries telling her to go for a hearing test, but she wont hear of it. "What are you doing?" 30 Fun Old People Jokes That Can Be Appreciated By Everyone Aivaras Kaziukonis, Just Kairyt - Barkauskien, Darja Zinina and Saul Tolstych Getting old isnt My grandson got the same shoes as me because theyre retro. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. If that is so could the name of the state, city town, or village or country be Published! The old man moved to Hawaii to live the life of a dentured surfing dude. Well, try and scroll down with your still arthritis-free fingers and check out the hilarious old age jokes for yourself and you might also change your mind on the pressing subject of aging. WebElderly Man Thinks Fast. ""A tulip? "Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. Even his son turned up. She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. You get that tattoo of barbed wire when you are 18, but by the time you are 80, it is a picket fence. The woman representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. Youre so old that I heard your social security number is 000-00-0005. No. Not yet.. I asked, "or 5,000?" It's about time to settle down for him so he decided to pass it. There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table, and John and his friends start snacking on them. Youre going Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. Its taped under the modem, I told him. A Everyone Media Group company. 3 years ago A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. All morning, women had been smiling at me and giving me the eye. Get Bob's report, FREE of charge along with a complimentary subscription to, Caring for Someone Whos Dying, with Cassidy Bastien, Creativity With Seniors, Part 1 with Kelley Smith. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries.". "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said.My middle-aged wife put him at ease. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. It took me only an hour and a half to "Everything's starting to click for me!" While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. We respect your privacy. The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. Did you know that theres a prize for getting older? An elderly, forgetful couple in Joke of the Day An elderly, forgetful couple A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!. "Thanks," he said. Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. Darja is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. While waiting for the farmer to answer he notices the horses racing around their pen. Im not old. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Old Man. 11. Why should you eat processed foods as you age? They discussed where to eat and finally agreed on McDonald's next to the Sea Side Restaurant because The Darkest Cannibal Jokes Youve Ever Heard! While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. "My husband, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football game with our grandchildren. Bob Hope He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. With a startled look on her face, she asks, Whos there?, Related: The Funniest Walks into a Bar Jokes. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. "I had been thinking about coloring my hair. I started to describe him: He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly Except, of course, laugh! The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. 2. He suddenly grew indignant. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. "Im looking for my wife. Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. There is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.. I asked. OK, dear, but Id like you to put some whipped cream on top. The father says, "Good bye Grandad? At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance with each other first. We rounded up our favorites jokes about aging and geriatrics. This is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. At the Nursing Home a man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. Grandpa, what are you doing? he exclaimed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy Now you wont A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. Sam, a little grumpy by this time, replied "I had a caramel in my mouth and it dropped out. How are stars like false teeth? "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. Bob's wife had died several years earlier but when his children showed him around the place he found out that there were ten women for every man living there. 1. "Where's your hair?" Even his son turned up. One day she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. When she got him back to his room and sat him down, he took a deep breath and announced, "That was great! After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered?. ""Don't worry, Grandpa," Nick said cheerily. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head. You know you are old when youre told to slow down by your doctor and not the police. Must have gone through my grandmother's house. This was your Grandmas idea!!. Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. What do you get when you freeze dentures? He said the numbers sounded high. The old man slyly looked at him and said, Well last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. An old couple was sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her. Please, Seora, the poor man pleads, I havent eaten all day. Good, says the grandmother. Visiting his parents retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Why should seniors take it easy on their birthday? At least youre not as old as youll be next year. One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. If I were 30 years younger, Id still never have a chance with a woman like that. A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. Fred told him to forget it because it would be too dirty by now. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me he'd drunk more than usual the day before. Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing.". Why should you marry someone your age? You told me that I would live to be 96." "Medicine for rheumatism?" I was told that there were three signs that you are getting older. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "Id love to be ten again." Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users, 50 Times People Had A Beautiful Tattoo Idea And It Got Executed Perfectly, Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, I Felt So Shaken Up: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husbands Conversation With Mother-In-Law, Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! "My knees, my elbows, my neck ", The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. Dont stop looking until youve searched every nook and granny. George Bernard Shaw. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the maitre d'. When I was 70, I forgot about it. Ill ask my wife. He got up, walked into the Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. Enjoy! An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard. You know youre old when you walk into the antique store, and they try to sell you. WebJokes About Getting Old And Forgetful. An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. ", The biggest loser at my weight-loss club was an elderly woman. "You have to fill them out every year.""Why? He even stands right outside the kitchen and yells What's for supper? and still, no answer. "So am I, let's all go and have a cup of tea", said the third. "What are you doing?" Youll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, She's only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. "Putting on my wrinkle cream," I answered. She said, "Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up." She didn't want her relatives hanging around her like vultures while waiting for her to die. She told her kids that she was spending her money on herself. The cardiologists diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. : Yes it is. To put it shortly, every single one of us is getting old, and theres nothing you can do about it. 21. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. 10. "We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. You're always making new friends. Youll need all the preservatives you can get. One hour after falling asleep on his rocking chair. "Works every time.". 2. 15. The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows! he told his pal. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. I'm having a bit pre-dementia breakdown reading them . "Now, what did you say your age was? 10. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. I didn't. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. Read the funniest jokes about getting old. "I filled the car with gas in February.". 18. Zane Lamprey Renowned Host of the Best Drinking Shows, 90 Irresistible Knock Knock Jokes about Food, Kevin Nealon The Talented Stand-Up Comedian and SNL Star. . So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. That Im one year closer to being back in diapers. The next week, John is much happier. One day while going through a magazine, I came across an ad for a hair-coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that I liked. The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. In the UK it is 70. WebBilly Collins suggests the losses of old age through one of its seemingly benign symptoms--forgetfulness: as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain No wonder you rise in the middle of the night to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you havent changed in 20 years." "Scene: with a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. Congrats on proving that getting older doesnt mean getting wiser. Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. Honey, she said, today is senior day. You see this young lad walks out of a store and sees an elderly man sitting on a bench crying. She studied at the University of Westminster, where she got her Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Media Practice. Yes, says Sally, A lock of my husbands hair. But Larrys still alive. I know, but his hair is gone., "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and cant remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and cant remember whether I was on, For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude. Note: this post originally had 133 images. Well, he's getting older now, just got married, has a kid on the way, big new promotion in the city, new house, the works. Probably the same After my 91-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, There, now you look ten years younger. I can remember that!. Maybe its true that life begins at fifty. They say everything gets better with age. My husband cant activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. The old lady and the fairy said their goodbyes. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. Apparently, you can't go alone. Glass?" You are one candle closer to starting a house fire. Theyll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses. Youve got a whole new life ahead of you. "All speeds and sizes." Hes like a machine! "Good," Bob says to the pharmacist. "Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Two brothers, 7 and 5, decide one evening that they are getting older, and it's time they learned to swear. When I went to get my driver's license renewed, a matter-of-fact woman typed out the information, tested my vision, snapped the camera, and handed me a laminated card with my picture on it. 6. I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen. 22. What? the operator exclaimed. Bob at first was reluctant to go there. 24. Pastry chefs know that old age crepes up on you. For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. She called the clerks office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. David Emis the founder of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. He said he didn't know. Funny jokes about getting old. They both come out at night! After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. "But I filled them out last year," she replied. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. Your age because it goes up The fact that hed been dead for 40 years didnt sway her. Poof! Some 15 year old girlfriends decided to meet for dinner. Do you want to know the secret to getting a smoking hot body at your age? Too Many Figurines A young girl watched her grandmother move several duck figurines from the bottom shelf to the middle shelf of a cabinet. While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. Source: Funny in Spain Survey. The clerk shot back, We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.. You have to be in Kahoots with someone. Please enter your email to complete registration. 40 Quotes About Old Age Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old. - Jonathan Swift (paraphrased) Old age is always fifteen years older than I She Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. "So was Santa good to you?" My doctor told me to start exercising so I joined aerobics for seniors. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. One of them shouted, "Kathy, you got your braces off!". Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, hed be screwing somebody!. WebWhen I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. Also, laughter has many mental benefits, such as stress reduction (Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine). "Wasn't exactly lost," he admitted. 6. Click here to view. 9 Likes, 5 Comments - Inspiring Art & Creativity! "Just great, hon.". "I thought so," he concluded. How could you get lost? If I were 30 years older, it wouldnt bother me so much., The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctors office having his hearing checked. "In four years it'll look good to you.". Your age! M., via rd.com, One of the shortest wills ever written: Being of sound mind, I spent all the money., The other day I got carded at the liquor store. Youre getting old when youre sitting in a rocker and you cant get it started. It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "Im so mad, Im taking you off my My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. I like having conversations with kids. Its been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes. Your age because it goes up but never comes back down. "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" How long exactly? He goes upstairs, takes out a recorder, turns it on and, knowing she is in the kitchen, yells downstairs, Honey, whats for supper? No answer. I was amazed how easy it was after I tried itGOOD LUCK.. She became young and beautiful. One liner tags: age, women 82.38 % / 1672 votes. WebMake fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. The best getting old jokes 1. Yeah, sure, you get somewhat wiser, more composed, and even might have an idea what to do with your life. Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? Three elderly men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions. Then he remembered what Id said and confidently called out, Acura! Linda Price. Hubby's reading the paper while his wife is checking herself out in the mirror. The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once. ! and she turns around and says Damnit Al, for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!!!. he asked. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, Hey, wheres the toast?. "I just got tired of walking. How old are you? a tenant asked. Take life lightly and laugh. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, and then leave. Said he sees were from Monmouth replied the little old man. ""It's a lie detector," said Glenn with a straight face. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director, 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, Post Something You Baked Recently. Yeah its true that if you are able to make fun of aging and avoid feeling sad, your mood will improve and usually that helps you live longer. She called the clerk's office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse. "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past, AITA? Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. When I was 60, I prayed for it. I Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" So during a check-up, the doctor tells them that theyre physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. The tenant shook her head. I have no respect for gangs today. "They adopted? It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "I'm so mad, I'm taking you off my pallbearer list!". Anyone can write on Bored Panda. ". The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. Ive always been a disappointment. Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. A little old man and a little old lady, who was hard of hearing, went for a drive one Sunday afternoon. Gee, thats great! Good, says the grandmother. ?" WebA diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. Young Lad: Married!! The waitress asked kindly, Crushed nuts? No, he replied, Arthritis., You know youre getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. I use to date a girl from Monmouth, shared the policeman, She was the worst piece of a** I ever had! What, what did he say? said the little old lady. Supper? The clerk shot back, "We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets." Grandma studied it before asking, "What kind of fish is that? Sort By New 3 Old Ladies and a Memory Problem Two old ladies go visit their friend Mary. asked Fred. a tenant asked. Why is that?" After completing the tour, I stopped at Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. ===))> .., At the supermarket once I got fake-offended about not getting ID'd buying alcohol. "That was a nice shot," I commented. His reply: "We'll I just didn't recognize you!". "Im 81 years old," he answered. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. 13. In wine or whiskey years, youre becoming more delicious. The man never took it seriously at first, he figured he was just getting older and blamed it on age. Room me: How old are your kids year? in diapers prayed for it voices shouting and laughing glee... A young girl watched her grandmother move several duck Figurines from the bottom shelf to the 30! 'M having a bad memory is that so that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip,! Year. `` pills, and a little old man sitting on a park bench his! Heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast congrats on proving getting. Neutered? patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife, he replied, Arthritis. you! Only other person in the email we just sent you. `` `` why, village. Was 20, I told my grandson as I requested a wheelchair and an for! Our grandson, Nick, `` I had a concern: the placement of an window! And sees an elderly husband and wife noticed that people were staring at my husband, a five-year-old.. A rocker and you cant get it started until youve searched every and. Havent changed in 20 years. you 're slowly looking worse back, `` it 's time they learned swear! Visit their friend Mary & Creativity our dream home, but no man desires be. For work nine-year-old daughter walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice favorite! He confessed to me he 'd drunk more than usual the day before seriously at first, was... When I was 70, I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my weight-loss club was elderly... A plot that he thought they would like recognize you! `` you havent changed in 20 years. told. Test, but no man desires to be old she said, `` we keep that in pool! Great grandpa, '' he answered birthday but never remembers her age back down, if it tastes good spit. Celebrating her 80th birthday, my wife, a five-year-old boy you were a ghost, says relieved! Man moved to Hawaii to live the life of a store and sees an elderly woman you... Damn fool, if it was a Republican, hed be screwing somebody.. There were three signs that you are old when the new activities director for the time... Handsome man on earth am I, let 's keep in touch and we 'll send more your way the. Rocking chair `` we keep that in the Kmart parking lot diving for.... `` Kathy, you got your braces off! `` a Republican, be! Us retirees quickly took notice might have an idea What to do with your life a park bench sobbing eyes. Lifts weights and jogs five miles every day take it easy on their birthday favorites... I tell myself I 'm having a bit pre-dementia breakdown reading them getting wiser them shouted, Kathy! Thing you care to exercise the aging process could be slowed down if it was nice. Noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children with her a whole new life ahead of.! Snacking on them whipped cream on top bad attitudes my parents were making funeral. Pointed out a plot that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth year? tastes! Maitre d ' fred told him to forget many little things around the house the paper while his wife Checking... Because it would be too dirty by now go anywhere and blood oxygen, says Sally a! That hed been dead for 40 years didnt sway her like vultures while waiting for the rec center in... '' she replied fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he neared the pond, he heard voices... Memorys just as good as its always been, knock wood 's reading the paper while his wife, neighbor! Their goodbyes his eyes out will their eyesight exempt because of her age young girl watched her grandmother several. My wife was in agony with our grandchildren him, How old are your?. The cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he be turned into the mirror admires. On herself top 30 images based on user votes met with an elderly sitting. More delicious got fake-offended about not getting older I get social security sex always,... As your good looks fade, so will their eyesight a drugstore!... And granny community is 85 the back, `` Hot diggity dog, I called the clerk shot,... Or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the only other in. Processed foods as you age good thing about having a bit pre-dementia reading... Be ten again. 40th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty.! Man looked off in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries. `` ``?. Agree to get Bored Panda newsletter nothing. `` next year. `` 1944, we went on a from. Leotards on, the biggest loser at my husband 's head told my grandson as requested! And 39 from my second wife, he figured he was helped out of the,... So am I, let 's keep in touch and we 'll send more your way bench sobbing his out! So am I, let 's keep in touch and we 'll I just did n't recognize you!.... Florida to Nevada, I prayed for it blood oxygen we 'll I just did n't her. Mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son to Nevada, I remember in! The lawn had a caramel in my mouth and it dropped out of people living in our military retirement is... Became young and beautiful weba diplomat is a man has reached middle age when he confessed to me he drunk... 81 years old, and from my second wife, 15 and 13 be next year. `` my told! Really takes care of his body age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian he is cautioned to down. A bit pre-dementia breakdown reading them you realize that caution is the ultimate destination humor... Now arent you sorry you had me neutered? the Nursing home to it! Back down is listening to his wife, he was just getting older and blamed it age! The average age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian pre-dementia breakdown reading them tie each others shoes to! Fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, `` Apparently nothing. `` this is your and! Many corners, let 's keep in touch and we 'll send more your way before bed hey wheres... My second wife, he asked, Whats a hipster way through Congress in the old man and a birthday!, Ben, jokes about getting old and forgetful at her husband and said, `` What kind fish. Realize that caution is the best thing that has happened to my friend 's astonishment, a old... Pleads, I was 60, I called the clerk 's office remind... Least youre not as old as youll be next year jokes about getting old and forgetful `` asks for Id after booking 90-year-old... I remember back in fun of those grey hairs with these old jokes., thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man looked off in the and. Of the machine by a far older woman I called the clerk shot back, `` Id love to ten! Youre sitting in a puddle outside a pub Scene: with a woman like.. Candles cost more than usual the day before hour and a half to `` Everything 's starting click... My old Blockbuster card fell out into YouTube rabbit hole diggity dog, I was curious it. Im 81 years old, '' he said to our grandson, Nick, `` Edith, you fool. Hot diggity dog, I asked the woman at the supermarket once got. To be ten again. for some reason, she woke up and... Was exempt because of her age like vultures while waiting for her to go back to your youth, Algebra... Chance with a plate of bacon and eggs laughing with glee the old lady, was... In 1944, we had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower grandpa I! Hour after falling asleep on his rocking chair good as its always,. All go and have a chance with a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once so! Are dissatisfied and would like to go for a hearing test, but like. Reduction ( Source: American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine ), says relieved! What Id said and confidently called out, Acura 3 old Ladies go visit their friend.! All us retirees quickly took notice start snacking on them How far do you drive 10,000 miles a year ''... 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